by Sara Forrest, Commission Member
Recent Sunday readings have focussed on the way we behave towards one another, especially regarding the need to forgive the hurt we feel about what others do. Matthew 18:15-20 talked about the importance of giving personal feedback which gives friends or family the opportunity to realise the impact their behaviour has on you and to chose to change it if they want stronger relationships. Any feedback needs to come from a feeling of love if it is to achieve lasting change in another. Feedback given in the anger of the moment rarely works to defuse a situation! It also talks about involving the wider community if necessary because the initial intervention has not stopped the unwanted behaviour.
Recent Sunday readings have focussed on the way we behave towards one another, especially regarding the need to forgive the hurt we feel about what others do. Matthew 18:15-20 talked about the importance of giving personal feedback which gives friends or family the opportunity to realise the impact their behaviour has on you and to chose to change it if they want stronger relationships. Any feedback needs to come from a feeling of love if it is to achieve lasting change in another. Feedback given in the anger of the moment rarely works to defuse a situation! It also talks about involving the wider community if necessary because the initial intervention has not stopped the unwanted behaviour.
Then Matthew 18:21-35 develops from this the need for forgiveness. It stresses that we should repeatedly forgive those whose behaviour hurts us. And continue to give loving feedback to sustain the relationship. If that ongoing discussion about why the other’s behaviour needs to change does not work then you might need to walk away from the friendship.
Distancing yourself, or even ending the relationship, is particularly important if you are suffering either mental or physical harm from its continuance. And the need to escalate is rightfully a feature of safeguarding protocols. Sadly we do not have to look hard to find examples of where the preservation of a reputation of an individual or organisation has allowed harmful behaviour to continue.
I feel so lucky to be European and Christian. Forgiveness is central to our faith. It allows the individuals to move forward and become reconciled in order to enjoy the fullness of life. Whilst we have left the European Union we still maintain constructive relationships with neighbouring countries, regardless of whose side they were on in World Wars. Indeed we are currently celebrating the return of the Bayeux tapestry which records the battle that allowed the French to rule most of us. Our democracy is founded on many of the principles of the Roman conquerors of Britain.
Yet when I read or hear about the current situation in the Middle East or what America and other States are saying and doing to regain perceived past glories and advantages I do not recognise any learning from past experiences. Without changing (another word for learning) they are locked into future conflict and hurt.
It seems to me that if the ‘Powers that Be’ listened to more of the grandmothers and mothers in their countries, they would hear of their wish for more peaceful and properous, stable lives for their children. As Jo Cox said ‘We have more in Common than that which divides us.’
So a message I am taking from those Gospels is to remember that I have hurt others and been hurt by others and I have that in common with those around me. I will reflect on what I can do to repair those friendships which may need a little more loving attention, feedback and forgiveness.
